Russus 1

Retipuj: Mission Ante-Canis, FAILED. I don't want to stay any longer. I don't 
         want Ante-Canis. It's cold, it's empty and it's against us. Forget 
         this shi...kra of an absolute zero desert and head for the garden of 
         coldness. Russus awaits us... and I hope it doesn't hate us as much 
         as Ante-Canis. It's disastrous.

Francis: After all, tomorrow is another day.

Franky:  You could die another day.

Francis: Tomorrow never dies.

Franky:  It's a better tomorrow.

Francis: You and the world of tomorrow.

Franky:  What about the day after tomorrow?
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Francis: OK sir, you're registered for the elections.

Franky:  You want to get elected legally?

Retipuj: Elected legally through an illegal electoral campaign.

Franky:  Ah, so the ordinary way?

Retipuj: Yes, and our first mission is to betray the population's confidence 
         in their country. Therefor our special troops will shrink the 
         diameter of their best Weruga caviar by dehydrating them. I only 
         wonder what the diameter should be afterwards?




0:
Retipuj: Okey dokey, let's do it so.
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Franky:  From a physical point of view this could be a bit complicated. You 
         want to shrink them by dehydration but even if a large part of 
         their mass consists of water, there are also other substances...

Retipuj: Franky...

Franky:  But you could also approach this problem from a philosophical point 
         of view. If the diamter is 0, the egg no longer exists. You would 
         shrink eggs to obtain smaller eggs so long until they aren't any 
         longer eggs. But how can you have small eggs if they aren't eggs. 
         You could argue that the fact of having once eggs would still define 
         this empty space as an

Retipuj: Quite frankly, Franky, be quiet'n'tranquil. I understand. Forget 
         about this dumb idea.




1-3:
Retipuj: Okey dokey, let's do it so.
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Francis: I'm glad to tell you that our mission was a thorough success.

Franky:  Nevertheless I would have tried to give them a heart shape.

Retipuj: Why, shall we have given them, a heart shape?

Franky:  Imagine your caviar having a heart shape. Don't tell me you wouldn't 
         become anxious.




>3:
Retipuj: Okey dokey, let's do it so.
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Franky:  That's bigger than they are.

Retipuj: What?

Franky:  You're not shrinking them, you're aggrandizing them. It's not like 
         I'd want to criticise you. No, I only want to call attention to 
         your shortcomings.

Retipuj: Oh fishing rod of an Humpback anglerfish, I should have stayed away 
         from these egregious fishy egg-laying fishes.

Franky:  This means that we can now start the funny part?

Retipuj: Yes, we'll sabotage their natural gas pipelines. Without them
         they'll have a big problem. The headline will be: Russusians own 
         nought. First we have to scan the peatlands with our model aircrafts. 
         Franky this is your job.

Franky:  I'll be CAG.

Retipuj: How many aircrafts shall we use for the overflight?





<13:
Franky:  This will never be enough. We won't get the informations we need 
         to traverse this marsh.
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         As I said, we didn't get good results. We only know that the mud is 
         at least 30 cm high. But our supporters want good results, otherwise 
         we'll lose their votes.

Retipuj: Don't care, we must try to continue with our plan.





13:
Franky:  Well, that's a good choice, at least for your standards.
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         Following the scans the best height for boots used to traverse 
         this marsh is 39 cm.

Retipuj: Very good. Our plan is making good progress.





>13:
Franky:  Too many. They will be discovered, shot down and we won't get the 
         informations we need to traverse this marsh.
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         As I said. They were shot down and we didn't get good results. 
         We only know that the mud is at least 35 cm high. Besides the press 
         is assuming that this was our operation. Could have cost a few votes. 
         Needless to talk you about the lost trust and votes from our 
         supporters.

Retipuj: Don't care, we must try to continue with our plan.

Retipuj: Francis, order the boots.

Franky:  Will they also get hoods?

Retipuj: Franky, I'm not in that mood, you risk that I'll shoot.

Franky:  But we have enough loot and they have boots to protect their foot 
         from the roots so they need a hood in the woods to hide from bigfoot.

Retipuj: Franky! And don't want to hear once again an "oot" and I hope you 
         know that these boots, waahh, shoes are made for walking all over you.

Franky:  w00t!

Retipuj: Now go and play OoT! And Francis, order the boots, no, shoes. 
         They'll have a height in cm of 




<39:
Francis: Wakarigizmo.
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         Bad news boss. Many of our troops are still romping around in the 
         camp because the boots are too high. They can't really move with 
         them and according to our correspondent they are very fascinated 
         about the new facets offered by playing tag with them. And the worst 
         thing is that they were filmed and now the whole country is laughing 
         at them.





39:
Francis: Wakarigizmo.
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         Perfect choice. All the troops reached their arrival point.

Franky:  I can imagine them flying over the shit like dung flies.

Retipuj: It's peat, not shit.

Franky:  I can imagine them flying over the pitfalls like treasure hunters 
         with a khaki shirt and trousers.





>39:
Francis: Wakarigizmo.
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         Bad news boss. Many of our troops weren't able too reach their 
         target because they were stuck in the mud. It was simply too deep.

Retipuj: Don't tell me that they are up to their Marsh Tit's in it!
         I didn't know they stacked peat that high.

Francis: And the worst thing is that they were filmed and now the whole 
         nation is laughing at them.

Retipuj: Seems that they'd better have invested more in their security around 
         the pipelines. 214 million Pecs would have been good.

Franky:  I really don't want to know how you chose the number 214.

Retipuj: After months of calculations I concluded that 214 is simply the best 
         number to invest in no matter what kind of security lack. And now, 
         tell the guys out there who reached their pipeline, it's time to act! 
         Nothing can stop us now. We'll win with wit! Francis tel...ephone!

Francis: It's your wife.

Retipuj: Oh fur of a naked mole rat! What's she saying?

Francis: Husband, we've had a problem. I'm undervalued.

Retipuj: Roger, you're undervalued. Stand by, I'll look at you.

Francis: She says you'll have a pretty large bang, so caution and warning. 
         She wonders if you can understand her?

Retipuj: What? She's harder to understand than quantum mechanics.

Francis: Your husband lets you know that you're like a 7 played at dice.

Retipuj: Thanks Francis, and now let's continue with the controllable things. 
         How many percent of leakage shall we cause?





<9:
Francis: Sorry to tell you that the leakage didn't have a noticeable 
         consequences because it wasn't noticed. The population seems to be 
         satisfied with their current president, your chances aren't the best.

Retipuj: It was enough, it just wasn't enough that they aren't able to cover 
         the whole thing up.





9:
Francis: I'm glad to tell you that you've good chances to become the president.
         More or less.

Franky:  Yes, more or less. Survive your wife. By the way, I still can't 
         understand how the Russusians can elect you. Why they elect anyone.

Retipuj: Never asked yourself why we are the sole species that can't live 
         without a ruler?

Franky:  Well, explains why you're still married.





>9:
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Francis: Sir?

Retipuj: Yes?

Francis: Could it be that you're a bit megalomaniac?

Retipuj: Why?

Francis: Because you leaked so much gas that the country has now more debts 
         than we could ever pay?

Retipuj: Possible. What's your advice?

Francis: Run as fast as we can.

Retipuj: Sounds reasonable.






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         After week-long efforts the day has come when we have to accept the 
         sentence, the whole sentence and nothing but the sentence. 
         So I'm glad to announce the fate of truth: