Despair Suicide Despair


November 15, 2009
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Two weeks ago when the comic had its first anniversary and I talked about the two milestones, I was wondering if all this work is really worth it. It's quite time consuming and reach 100 strips would still be a relatively long way. Should I really continue? Just a few months ago one of my highest rules was: never give up. But meanwhile I'm not so sure about this anymore.

When I started a year ago there were some people saying that the comic wasn't that good, but I didn't give up because I knew I could improve, there was a possiblity to get better and I used it. And today I don't regret this at all, it was the right choice: I think that my drawing abilities got quite better over the last year, I have a possibility to include all kinds of different ideas in the strips and to express my opinion about certain topics. It also has this nice side effect, that it is an archive of all my ideas, so that in the future I can look back at them. Maybe this will help me not to drift away from my ideals.

But even if I love creating these strips, there's still the problem I mentioned in the annotation of strip number 61: it can easily happen that in the process of striving you're getting less and less conscious about all the negative side effects. In this case for example the consumed time. But I'd say that this is true for every kind of striving. At one point it will cause more damage than anything else. Sometimes you're probably stronger when you manage to realize that something is in vain, as when you're trying by all means to achieve your target. But it certainly depends on the topic. I think there are also certain things were the "never give up rule" almost always applies. Like the, seemingly, neverending striving for freedom. So in the end it's, as always, a question of the right balance and proportions. Everything has a good side, as well as a bad one.

Since there are still a lot of ideas I want to implement, I think I'll try to reach the 100 strips. But at one point I must stop and I think this will be the right one. I guess until then I can be quite satisfied with this work and use the time for other projects.

P.S.: OK, I wrote the annotation above before I drew the strip. And well, I imemdiately had a possibility to apply this "give up if it is in vain" idea. Some time ago, when I was driving home with the bus I enjoyed the wonderful sight of autumn trees. I love all these colors. And then I realized that I hadn't planned yet a strip where I could draw something like that and so I decided to include such trees on the second panel in this one. But then Ihad to realize that it's impossible for a human being to reproduce such a beauty and in all my frustration I used this very simple coloring style, put an exaggerated lighting over it and just wanted to forget about it, because yes, it is crap.

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